Every Girl's, and My, Struggle

Body image. 

How many Bible studies have we ever gone through dealing with this topic?  How many psychology classes have we sat through where we have seen the statistics of how prevalent eating disorders are in this country?  For as many entertainment magazines and websites there are glorifying thin women and dieting, it seems there are just as many advocates for health, whether it be in church or school.  People are talking about body image literally everywhere

I have wanted to write a post like this for quite a while, but it's usually something that is not really easy for me to discuss.  I have seen too many of my friends following Twitter accounts which post the user's "past weight, current weight, and goal weight", and the lengths they go to diet, and Pinterest boards solely dedicated to pictures of thin models as "inspiration".  I get such a horrible knot in my stomach, thinking of the scary road they may be embarking on mentally, and I have strong feelings against not only eating disorders, but disordered eating.

This is probably the most personal I will ever be on a blog, but I have no doubt that other people who are reading this have had the exact same thoughts.  I have friends who have struggled and are still struggling with this, and my heart breaks for them.  This is something that I have been dealing with for almost haf of my life, and something that you CAN overcome, and you can move on from!  Knowing that it is possible to live my life and not be concerned about my weight has been something that has given me hope on so many days where I had none.

I have never been a thin girl.  Growing up, I was usually bigger than most of my classmates, and by high school, my hips had become the bane of my existence.  I was so ashamed of my size and my weight, and had so little self-confidence, because I defined myself by the number on my jeans.  12.  I loathed that number.  I was so physically uncomfortable in my skin, and when I look back on high school, I am so ashamed that I let myself give in to society's standards, and that I wasn't as happy as I should have been, because I had every reason to be.

By college, I decided that I had had enough of my hips, and that I was going to do something about it.  I started eating healthier, stopped snacking, and went on walks with my roommate after class.  My roommate was a dancer and was naturally thin, and was also obsessed with her weight, which ultimately showed me that size is something that EVERY girl has struggled with.  My roommate and I would religiously count our calories and watch our snacking, and would reward ourselves by splitting a kid's sized Frosty from Wendy's after a particularly long exercise time.  That year,  I dropped a size, and felt like I had broken free of the "12" prison I had been in during high school.  I felt a confidence that I never had, and felt like I had control over how I looked and who I wanted to be.  I now know that the "control" aspect was very important to me, as I have had situations growing up where I have felt completely helpless and OUT of control.  My weight and dieting was something that I had full control over, and I felt so empowered.

My healthier eating habits and exercise continued through college, but I was never overly concerned.  I maintained my slightly lower weight, and I felt moderately good about myself.  I can't remember what prompted me to start a stricter diet, but during my junior year of college, I started working out at the gym even more, and monitored each and every thing I put in my body.  I stopped eating dessert, and never ate after dinner.  I worked out up to two times a day, and I felt stronger and more proud of my body than I have ever felt.  One day I remember more vividly than any other was the day that I discovered laxatives.  I couldn't believe that I could take a tiny pill and lose two pounds overnight!  It was like a miracle drug to me. At this point, I was using laxatives as a "purging" system maybe twice a week, and I NEVER thought about binging, because large amounts of food in general disgusted me.

I started dating A LOT of different guys, always breaking up with one to go out with another.  I was being applauded by so many girls because of losing weight that I was always encouraged mentally to keep up my diet.  I involved myself in so many different aspects of college- a leadership position in my social club, vice president of my senior class, leadership positions in Hearin and the BSU, and class favorite.  I was a "perfect" size 6.  It seemed like I had everything together, and I WAS actually happy.  I felt like I had achieved something that was unachievable for high school Brittany.  I had actualy accomplished a goal.  I went shopping for smaller clothes and loved, loved the way I looked.

I now see how absolutely disgusting it was.  Not my body, but my mind.  I honestly did care about my friends and family and the people around me, but I was so consumed with my image.  If I had thought about what my friends were struggling with half as much as I thought about how many calories were in the bread I ate on my sandwich, I know I could have been ten times the friend that I had been, and that is what I most regret.

During the latter part of my junior year, I felt a call to be a summer missionary.  Little did I know, the summer of 2009 would completely change my life.  In June of that year, I boarded a plane by myself to Sioux Falls, South Dakota, and began serving and working at a church where I knew absolutely no one.  It was one of the best experiences of my life.  I got to work with the children and youth groups, was a camp counselor, started their first church library, helped lead VBS, and got to be involved in SO many other ministry opportunities.  I made friends in Sioux Falls that will last a lifetime.  Even in the midst of serving, I still watched what I ate, and was concerned that I would lapse in my diet.  I am still ashamed of the time I spent worrying about my body, when I could have been loving on more children.  I was active almost 24 hours a day, ran/jogged for an hour every morning, and then many times would hang out with friends and would get some more exercise in.  Before I knew it, I could not fit into ANY of my clothes.  On my days off, I would sell my clothes, little by little, to a consignment shop, where I bought all new clothes that fit.  I had no clue how much I weighed, but I knew that it had to be less than what I did when I started the summer, because I had no clothes that fit.  When I looked in the mirror, I could see the bones protruding out from my shoulders, and my legs were nowhere near touching, which was pretty big for me, considering I am built with larger hips (a pear shape).

By the end of the summer, I was starting to notice that I may have a slight problem.  I had started to equate my hunger pains with little victories, but now, I was so hungry that I was frustrated, and I cried a lot, and was VERY exhausted.  One of my most vivid memories was during one of the last months of the summer,when I was riding in the car with Ben, one of my good friends from Sioux Falls.  I told him how hungry I was all the time, and he had noticed how little I ate.  I am so thankful that I had Ben in my life during that time, because from then on, he kept me accountable for what I ate, and was always there to support me.  He and my sweet little sister from Sioux Falls, Crystal, were a constant support for me, and were the only two people who knew about my struggles.  I am so grateful for them.

The week before I came home, I decided to call home and let Mom know that I had lost a little more weight, so she wouldn't be shocked when she picked me up from the airport.  Mom was always very concerned with my weight loss, and always wanted me to be healthy.  Before I went to Sioux Falls, I had to promise her that I wouldn't lose any more weight.  I had kept my dwindling size a secret from her during the whole summer, and I knew I would be in major trouble if I didn't give her a heads up first.  I told her I had maybe lost ten more pounds, but I wasn't sure. 

On the last day, I was doing laundry and decided to weigh myself in the bathroom of my host home's owners.  I stepped on the scale and couldn't believe what I saw.  I hadn't lost ten, but twenty pounds during the summer.  The last time I was at that weight was in sixth grade.  I totally lost it, breaking down and shaking, fully knowing now that I had a problem, and that Mom was going to see it.  On that day, I had another milestone in my new life with my eating disorder.  I was so upset and wanted to up my weight more, that I drove to the nearest gas station and loaded up on food.  I got a few candy bars, a couple of bags of chips, and three Special K granola bars. It was my first binge.  I ate everything, got back home and on the scale, and it hadn't budged.  At all.  I loaded up my stuff and was driven to the airport and got on my flight back home. I had no desire to come back to Mississippi- I loved Sioux Falls.  I loved the people there and I loved serving there. 

Needless to say, when my mom saw me as I descended the escalator at the airport in Memphis, she cried, told me I did not look well at all, and made an appointment with a therapist.  Of course, the next day I had to drive to Columbus to move in to the dorms and start class for my senior year, and I was more than a little upset.  It's important to know that a lot of people with EDs do not have any sense of what their bodies actually looked like in a mirror.  I had lost 60 pounds since high school, most of it very rapidly, and there was a connection that was lost in my brain.  I didn't accurately know what I looked like in the mirror anymore, or if my body was normal.  I knew that I was thin- I could tell that by the numbers on my clothes and on the scale, but I could have looked like a concentration camp victim for all I knew.  I was scared out of my mind to go back to campus.  I had no idea what people would think if I walked to class, because I had no idea what I really looked like.  I know that seems crazy, but it's honestly the truth.

I decided to call my best friend Sarah, and had her meet me before my first class outside of Painter Hall at MUW.  I saw her walk up, and immediately she surveyed me, and said everything was going to be okay, hugged me, and told me that I needed to wear more layers so that we could conceal my shoulder blades and chest bones until I put more weight on.  She was always very honest with me, and I am so glad I had her in my life, and that she is still there for me.  I did lose a lot of friends during this time in my life, but Sarah was one of my friends who was ALWAYS there for me, and even fed me Lockheart red velvet cake to get more weight on :)

One shocking thing to me was the reception I got from almost everyone on campus.  Literally every girl I ran into comment on how "good" I looked and asked how I did it.  One person even told me to not listen to people who said I looked too thin, because I looked like a model.   You can imagine how much my ego was fed.  Three people said I needed to gain more weight.  Three.  Now that I am on the road to fully overcoming disordered eating, I know the importance of not looking beyond rapid weight loss, and I wish everyone could see the red flags, and could be brave enough to confront someone.

Senior year was probably the toughest year of my life.  I was taking a Pilates class, and had to sit on two mats because my tailbone coudn't handle the hardwood floor.  I was a psychology major, and I remember going over the eating disorder chapter in Dr. Milikin's class, thinking "Check.. check.. I have every one of those symptoms."  I had so many heart-to-hearts with Sarah and Taylor, and I sunk into somewhat of a depression.  I slowly gained weight back, but when I did, I was so distraught by the number that I would revert to full binge-eating mode becaue I would "give up".  I binged and purged a lot during this time, and that definitely fed into the depressive cycle.  I had a particulary tough time when the scale hit 115.  I went home, didn't get off of the couch, and probably sent my mother into panic mode multiple times.  It was a horrible cycle, and I didn't think I was ever going to get out.  Looking back, I see how much I hurt my family, and I realize just how much I am blessed with a family who prays for me, encourages me, and loves me like crazy.

I honestly still struggle with what I eat, and I am still tempted to go back through the binge and purge cycle.  It has been over three years since I got back to a normal weight for my height, and I STILL have to make a concious decision DAILY to eat enough, to eat healthily, and to treat my body like a temple.  It takes a lot of prayer, and a lot of support from some awesome people around me. 

I met Justin at my lowest weight, and on our third date, I told him about my ED.  In every depressive cycle I went through, every time I have decided to leave him because I was upset and unhappy with myself, he has always been my biggest cheerleader and biggest supporter.  Even when I wasn't with him, I could call him and get encouragement, and he would always be there.  He was my best friend, and still is.  I remember the first time that I was able to eat a whole piece of cake without being disgusted with myself or going through a binge cycle. I called Mom and Justin, crying tears of joy, and it was honestly one of the most happy times in my life!  I praised God for that moment- over a piece of cake! 

SO.  This is why I am not a supporter of "thinspiration" Pinterest boards and applauding women based on their weight loss.  It's the beginning of a long, hard road, and something that will literally follow you for the rest of your life.  You have no idea what those pictures or quotes mean to someone who is struggling with body issues.  It's a focus on the outward, and it is in no way positive. 

If you are struggling with something similar, I really, really would like to talk to you.  I have dealt with almost everything concerning EDs, and I have a huge burden for those girls who are.  The Lord has opened SO many doors for me to talk with people who are dealing with the same, and as cliche as it may sound, there IS hope!  Lots. :)

Meet the Maids!

This weekend, we got a LOT of wedding decisions made- hallelujah!  Mom and I traveled to Columbus to look at the ceremony and reception sites and to have a yummy lunch from Front Door Back Door, my Columbus favorite.  One pretty neat thing was that when we got to the reception site, it was already decorated for a wedding that day, so it was cool to see everything ready to go.  We also spoke with the bride's mom, who let us walk around and look at the house while she and her family made some last minute preparations.  Then on Sunday, we met with Susannah Finley, who is going to take our engagement and wedding pictures.  She has some really creative ideas and I can't WAIT to take the pictures!
 
This Friday, my friend Cindy and I are making a quick road trip to Pensacola, Florida, to see our best friend Sarah!  Cindy, Sarah, her husband Forrest, and I all have birthdays at the end of July to early August, so we are making a tradition of celebrating together at the beach :)  Both Sarah and Cindy are going to be bridesmaids at the wedding, so I figure this would be a pretty appropriate time to introduce you to some special ladies who will be standing by me during my wedding day!

Kate Herndon- Maid of Honor

My maid of honor is my lovely sister and best friend, Kate Herndon.  I’ve known Kate for the past 18 years, and I even remember the day she was born.  We share the same blue eyes, sarcastic attitude, and W girl status.  I could talk about her early years when she insisted on wearing her swimsuit 24/7, or when she cut all her hair off and hid it in a Barbie lunchbox underneath her bed, but I will not.  Truth be told, I am so, so proud of the gorgeous and intelligent woman she has become, and I would choose no other person to be my number one girl on my wedding day.  I love her to pieces.



Sarah Marcy- Bridesmaid

Sarah and her husband Forrest live in Pensacola, Florida now, but I am still as close as ever to her.  We were both Lockhearts at MUW, and share almost all of the same interests and hobbies.  It’s pretty crazy.  Our goal is to live in the same town one day, so we can have Sunday brunches and craft together whenever we want to.  I am so glad Sarah is coming back to Mississippi for my day!

Taylor Hall- Bridesmaid

Taylor was also a Lockheart, and one of my pledge sisters from the W.  I can always, always count on Taylor to be there for me personally, and to always be the first one to volunteer to go on an adventure with me, whether it’s to Derma, Mississippi, or to a Fly By Radio concert.  Taylor has a sweet spirit and is a very dear friend to me.

Cynthia Thomas- Bridesmaid

Cindy and I are both from the Tupelo area, both attended Northeast Mississippi Community College, and both attended MUW, but it wasn’t until my time at the W that Cindy and I became close, and I am not sure why we never were, because she is one cool chick!  The thing that I admire most about Cindy is that she is reeeally funny, but very very real at the same time.  I have never hesitated in spilling my guts to Cindy, because I know she will always give me the best advice and put me first.  I hope everyone has a friend just like her, because I sure do not know where I would be without her.

Holly Mason- Bridesmaid

I just realized that the most recent picture I have of both me and Holly together is probably our senior prom!  Holly is my high school best friend, and we have recently been reunited when Justin and I moved to Tuscaloosa.  You know those friends you have that no matter how long you have been apart, everything is exactly the same between you?  That's me and Holly.  I am so thankful that she is part of my life again, even if we are too sarcastic and overly-competitve Cranium players.   I'm also very excited that Holly is going to be standing by me when I get hitched :)

Lydia Coffey Pierce- Bridesmaid

LCP is the big sister I never had- my Lockheart big sister to be exact!  When I was at the W, Lydia and her awesome husband Jared lived in an apartment right off of campus, and I loved going to visit for their home cooked meals and for bonding time!  Lydia and Jared now live in Hattiesburg, and we shared many memories together when I came through town during my recruiting days, including decorating for Christmas!  Lydia has always been a source of comfort for me, whether it’s welcoming me into her home, both in Columbus and Hattie, and giving me sisterly advice!  Lydia is also having a baby in November!!  I am so excited about baby showers and buying cute little people clothes!  I have no doubt she will be the best little mom!

Kelli Garrett- Bridesmaid

Kelli is one of Justin’s closest cousins, and also my future family!  I am so thankful to have met Kelli- there are not a lot of times in a girl’s life when she meets someone that she instantly connects with, and Kelli is one of those people for me!  She is always up for a good heart-to-heart, and is one of the most fun girls I know!  I am so happy to be able to call her family soon!

Anna Quinn- Bridesmaid

Anna is Justin's sweet sister, and momma to a precious little girl, our niece Sazume!  Anna has the biggest heart and a wonderful mother.  She recently came to visit us in Tuscaloosa, and hearing her sing to her daughter was one of the most heartwarming things I have heard in a long time.  I can't wait to gain another sister and niece soon :)

So thankful these girls will be with me on my wedding day!  Can't I just get married every weekend so we can all hang out all the time? ;)

Aaand more life updates.

SO!

This week has been super busy.  We road tripped back to the Mississippi Delta on Sunday for Justin's grandfather's funeral, and although they were not good circumstances, we really enjoyed getting to see family. 

The ceremony was so beautiful and touching, with almost every member of the Quinn family taking part.  I was definitely reminded of how blessed I am to be a Quinn, too soon.  I'm also super thankful for the puppy's Aunt Holly who took care of them while we were out of town.  She's the best.

Justin's sister Anna and her sweet baby made the trip back to Tuscaloosa with us to visit for a few days.  My soon-to-be niece is one of the most smiling, happy babies I've ever met, and it was so much fun getting to play with her!  It was nice for more girls to be at the house, seeing as I am usually outnumbered by Justin and our animal sons.

AND (I will go into details about this later), we have changed the wedding venue.  Again.  I know.  I am probably the most fickle person on the planet, but we've made some changes in order to be more frugal, because it is really hard paying for a wedding, okay!?  But I'm pretty happy, seeing as how we are going BACK to the original plan of pastels and lace, which is totally Brittany anyway, right?  It's going to be awesome for real.  And I hope you come.

My mom is coming to visit this weekend, and we are driving over to Columbus to check out the ceremony and reception sites, meeting with Susannah who will take our pictures, and hopefully looking at suits for the groomsmen.  It feels so nice to finally be able to get things checked off the list!

OH and my dress came in!  As soon as I got off work, I ran over to pick it up and try it on again (and again) and put my hair piece in.  Gorgeous.  I am just in love with it.  Although I am really excited to get it tailored and bustled, considering it barely stays up (because it is strapless and I lack anything to hold it up up there), and it is looooong.  Mom's taking it back home with her this weekend, so although I would like to keep trying it on every day and feel like a princess, it is taking up exactly half of my closet space, which just won't do.

This is how I feel with my dress on.  Although I no longer have red hair, and am not marrying Prince Eric.

So I know this blog post is all over the place (I try to keep a theme, but I'm good at going on tangents), but ALSO Justin and I are trying to focus on clean eating.  For the past few weeks, he has been gluten-free, and he's already slimmed up a lot, which I know he is proud of!  I have been cutting back on the gluten, but I figure an occasional turkey sandwich for lunch won't hurt anybody.  I've also been trying to substantially cut back on the processed foods, which means I'm going to have to find something to do with the ten Lean Cuisines that are sitting in my freezer.  Woops. 

On the same note, I recently stopped blow drying and straightening my hair (I have phases where I do this), and I'm wearing it wavy/curly, and I'm starting to wash it only every three days.  Crazy, right?  I got in a routine where I would wake up, get a shower and wash my hair, brush it, blow dry it, straighten it, brush it again, and ultimately damage the fire out of it.  Now that I don't wash it as much and only brush it once after I wash it, it feels a lot healthier.  AND with all the rain we've been having, I don't have to worry about my straight hair turning curly.  Because it already is.  So in short, I'm pretty proud of myself and focusing on taking better care of myself inside and out :)



Hopefully there will be a theme to the next post.  Maybe not. I did get some polish from the new Essie summer collection which I'm pretty excited about.  Sorry if you are my Facebook friend and are tired of seeing my nails.  :)

Sweet Things

Sometimes, I have bad days.  Days where it's just one thing after another, like scary storms and scary bowling ladies.  This week has especially been hard on us with the passing of Justin's grandfather. One thing that never fails to make me smile are my pets.  Justin and I call them our puppy and kitty sons.  Whenever I get home, I just want to sit in the floor and hold them for hours.  I literally can't walk anywhere in the house without a parade of two maltipoos and a kitten at my heels.  They climb in my lap when I sit on the couch, and cry when I take a shower.  I have even put Gatsby in the shower with me one time because I felt sad because he was crying so much.  I'm a sucker.  But he was happy, so I was happy. 

I know I post pictures of my babies all the time on Facebook, but I am just in love with them.  Hopefully these will make you smile :)

Gatsby is literally obsessed with my mirror.  When he is looking at his mirror twin, nothing else matters.  I have to pick him up to get him to move out from in front of it!

Dexter (Mr. Kitty) loves Justin!  He snuggles with him all the time.  Sometimes I feel like he has a crush on him, because he seems to not be too fond of me most of the time.

The puppies have a love/hate relationship with bath time.  Gatsby is a little piggy and will eat and drink anything at any time (even though he's the smallest) so we really have to monitor how much food we give both of them so they don't become overweight.  That being said, Gatsby thinks bath time is "Let's try to drink all the bath water" time so he loves it.  Fitzgerald doesn't like bathtime so much and usually cries unless I talk him through it.  He seems to get messier than Gatsby does so he is definitely more in need of a bath!

The one person Mr. Kitty loves more than Justin is my friend Holly.  The animals call her "Naunt Nolly",  as in Aunt Holly, because they usually replace the first letter of words with "n" and talk with a lisp.  (I talk for the animals and have a special voice I use.  It's very hard to explain.  Ask Taylor Hall- she loves it.  Also, I am weird.)  We think Mr. Kitty loves Holly so much because she's tan and matches his fur, so maybe he thinks she's his mom.  He takes special liberty to cuddle with Naunt Nolly everytime she's over, whether he is invited or not.

This is Mr. Kitty loving Dad more than he loves me, as usual. ;)

This is my absolute favorite picture of Gatsby.  He looks like a sweet little man!  He is definitely a Momma's boy- no question!  Whenever I come home, he just wants to be cuddled.  He will not go to sleep EVER unless he is by my side or in my lap, and when he is scared, he hides in my lap.  I introduced the pups to the blowdryer last week so I could dry their fur after bath time, and Gatsby ran into my lap to hide, even though I was the one holding the blowdryer.  Crazy!

Whenever Mr. Kitty wakes up, Justin puts his hands under his little arms and helps him stretch.  It is the cutest thing in the world.  And then, Mr. Kitty yawns and I just want to die because it is too adorable for words.

Sorry for being crazy animal lady today!  But, who can't love these faces?  They bring so much joy into mine and Justin's life and we try our best to spend lots of time with them.  We research the best ways to train them, what the healthiest food is for them to eat, and how we can teach them to get along.  I even miss them when I'm at work.  I have never had my own pet, and I didn't know it was possible to love an animal this much! 

The Tuesday from Hades.

Yesterday.  Oh, yesterday.  I figured I have enough information just from yesterday's events to write an entire post.

First of all, we had a short but pretty intense storm here in Tuscaloosa.  My boss left campus to go to a meeting yesterday afternoon and called us to let us know the weather may "get crazy".  If you know me, you know I don't do storms.  I have hyperventilated a time or two.  Also, I feel like I will get killed every time there is a thunderstorm, and I only feel safe underground.  My co-workers got a little taste of my mania as I watched outside as tree limbs fell to the ground and saw my life flash before my eyes.  I am a little dramatic sometimes.

So eventually the storm passed, and we all lived.  I got home to take the puppies outside, and found stray shingles in the backyard and a fallen tree.  Scary!

The best/worst/craziest part of the day, however, happened when we went to the bowling alley.  Justin decided he wanted to go bowling, so we met up with some friends at Bama Lanes.  I hate bowling.  In my hometown, our bowling alley stinks to the high heavens because people have been allowed to smoke inside for years.  That experience along with weird-looking shoes that other people have worn makes bowling not so fun for me.  But I wanted to be a good fiance and do something Justin wanted to do, so I went.  Yeah, I'm awesome.

So we get to the bowling alley and start filling up the "bowling ball holder" (I don't know if there is an actual name for it) with bowling balls and enter our names.  We are about to start bowling when a middle-aged woman and her six- or seven-year-old son come up to the lane beside us.  She yelled something to the effect of "We paid for this lane!" in our general direction, but I didn't think much of it, because I thought maybe she knew the people bowling on the other side of us and was making a joke?  I don't know.  You know how two groups share a "bowling ball holder" thingy because the two lanes are beside each other?  I think she thought that whole space was hers.  Maybe she's never been bowling before?  I can question this all day, but I will not get any answers. 

**Also, it is important to note that this lady was screaming curse words at her child.  That really hurt my heart.  And the little boy was trying to pick up a size ten bowling ball, which was obviously too large for him, so I offered him my size six ball so he could hold it.  Just keep this in mind.**

Anyway our friends come meet us and we all start bowling.  The little boy's dad also comes in to the bowling alley and tries to teach the boy how to bowl while Mom sits on her tail end and drops the occasional f-bomb.  I'm on about my third frame and walk up to get my ball from the "bowling ball holder" shoot deal.  I pick up my ball (which is now a size ten that I can barely hold because I gave my regular ball to the little boy) from the shoot, and the woman looks me in the eye and says,"Put that ball down.  That's not your ball".  I stood there like an idiot, because I thought she was joking.  By this time, I should have known this woman was nuts and that she wouldn't just joke with me, but I'm an optimist.  So then she literally starts screaming at me, "Put it down! Put it down! Put it down!" over and over. I have no clue what to do.  And I still just stood there, because I couldn't comprehend how someone could act like that.  This sums up the look on my face.  I call it "The Brittany".

So I am looking like a deer in headlights, and Justin comes over to see why she is yelling.  By this time, she is full-out screaming and the ENTIRE bowling alley is looking at me.  I had a ton of things to say to this lady, but what do I do?  I cry. I squalled and tried to say something to the effect of "I gave your kid his ball!" and "It's just a bowling ball!!" and "Does this matter at all?!".  Finally, management comes over, the cops are called, and someone gets arrested.  True story. 

I laid in bed last night and thought of how stupid I felt, standing there like some hurt child and crying at this woman who was probably insane or on drugs or both.  I felt so ashamed that I cried and couldn't form an intelligible sentence because I was blubbering.  When I was a child, I was horribly shy, and when someone picked on me, my father would beg me to stand up for myself, but I just couldn't.  As I have grown up, I have become a lot more outgoing and not shy at all, but I still can't find the strength to "stand up for myself".  I thought of so many hurtful thing I could say to this woman.  She was obviously an unfit mother, and a crazy person in general.  But I couldn't bring myself to say any of these things to her. 

As I'm thinking about it this morning, I really felt like I did the right thing.  I am still pretty embarrassed that I cried, but I am thankful that I didn't say those hurtful words that would have come to bite me in the butt later.  And, oddly enough, I think I learned a lesson in child-rearing.  I think I am going to skip the whole "stand up for yourself!" lesson with my children.  No, I don't want them to get run over, but more importantly, I want to teach them that sometimes in life, people will act crazy.  Maybe they have had a bad day, maybe they legitimately have a mental issue (like crazy bowling lady), or maybe they just don't understand how the game of bowling works (again, like crazy bowling lady).  It is not worth losing your cool over, and more importantly, not worth saying hurtful things back in order to "stand up for yourself".  Let it go, because there are going to be crazy situations in life.  I called my best friend Sarah afterward and we laughed.  It is a crazy story! And I believe it definitely made a good blog post.

In all seriousness, I have a very special favor to ask.  Someone very close to my fiance passed away yesterday.  He was one of the most important people in Justin's life, and made him happier than most people can. Please pray for my sweetheart and the Quinn family as preparations are made.  Please pray for me as I learn how to be a supportive partner and show him love for the weeks and months to come.

Monday's List: Things I Hate About Weddings

I'm trying this new themed-post thing, and first are *drumroll please*

Monday's List! 


I am obsessed with lists.  I have lists on my phone, lists on my iPad, lists on scrap pieces of paper found at the bottom of my purse- you get the idea.  There are to-do lists, grocery lists, lists of nail polish colors I want, etc.  My goal is to share some lists weekly, on Mondays as the title would suggest.

While preparing for my own walk down the aisle, I've noticed that there are a lot of things I don't like about weddings.  Some are generally agreed upon as silly (unity sand?), and some are just things that I personally just don't care for (Veils.  I don't like them, and my mom can't understand why.  I just don't.)

***Disclaimer***

This post is NOT directed toward any one person, or anyone at all really.  I am aware that most people have had either one or more of the things on the list at their own weddings.  YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON.  I just have lots of pet peeves, and many are related to weddings.  Just remember, it's healthy to laugh.  And I really hope you continue to read my blog, even though I am snarky. 

On to the list!

General tacky wedding photo via Google by searching "tacky wedding photo"

Things Brittany Does Not Like About Weddings

Unity candles
Unity sand
Shiny bridesmaid dresses
Bridesmaid dresses in general
The wedding march on an organ
Most other wedding music
Sports-themed grooms cakes
Tiaras!
JORDAN ALMONDS
People who sing long songs during  the ceremony
People who open gifts during the reception
Jokes like "Oh my gosh the best man forgot the ring..."
Outlandish up-dos (I hate these in real life too.)
Slideshows of 100 pictures of the couple as babies
Guestbooks
Dealing with David's Bridal for anything. However, I did get my wedding dress there because I am cheap. I mean thrifty.
Pre-wedding velour track suits that say BRIDE in rhinestones on the tush. This may be the most specific list item, but David's Bridal is on this list because they actually tried to sell me one of those.
White "party" bridal dresses for the reception
Cowboy boots on bridesmaids who would never wear cowboy boots in real life
Ringing a bell so couples will kiss. Awkward without a date.
Rap music at receptions
Brides who are stressed out and mean
Birdseed
Doves
Dances where you have to make a train and hold on to people's hips. I am always the one person who never wants to participate in those.
UNITY SAND.

I used to think dogs as ring bearers was stupid, but now I have two puppy sons so it is perfectly acceptable. However, it is weird to dress animals up like a bride and groom. A simple bow will suffice.

I also used to think wedding cupcakes were stupid until my mom and sister started making gourmet homemade cupcakes a few years ago, so now it is also perfectly acceptable.

Also anyone who has a cute little flower girl who doesn't quite know what she's doing or toddles down the aisle gets 50 bajillion points because that may be my most favorite part of weddings besides two people uniting as one and all.

THE END.


We can all laugh at ourselves, right?  It's healthy.  PLEASE NO ONE HATE ME.


:)

Hot hot hot.

As we are all aware, it has been super hot these past couple of weeks!  But for some reason, I think Tuscaloosa is the hottest place of them all.

108?  Is that even possible?  I have never been able to handle heat very well.  Maybe the lack of pigment in my skin makes heat unbearable to me, or maybe I just whine about being hot a lot- I don't know.  But I do know that I hate, HATE oppressive heat and have the tendency to pass out at times.

My general feeling towards heat: hatred.

Now that you fully understand how much I hate hot weather, I am excited to say that I have gotten lots of wedding projects done recently by spending a lot of time indoors.  I have so many crafts piled up in our spare bedroom that it's getting a bit ridiculous.  When we first got engaged, my goal was to hand-make fabric bouquets for each of my bridesmaids.  I started on them and soon became overwhelmed because I wasn't happy with how they were turning out and started thinking about what kind of real flowers I want to use.  Not one to give up, I decided to give the fabric flowers another go since we couldn't do much else, with the heat and being broke and all!  I am really happy with how they are turning out so far!  These are the first few I have made, and now I am up to a whole shoebox. They need to be cleaned up a bit, but here is the first try.

I'm adding in some pearls, lace, and burlap, along with some champagne-colored flowers later.  Hopefully they will turn out something like this, and will NOT cost as much as they do on Etsy.

Last week, Justin and I completed our first registry at Target, which was pretty exciting!  We made two separate trips and spent WAYY too much time in the cookware aisle, but we got some pretty awesome and useful stuff on our list!  I think Justin really loved the red scanner he got to use.

My favorite aisle was the one with all of the white cookware and serving dishes.  I made sure to register for a good bit of this!

I also literally begged Justin to let me put this on the registry.  Hello Kitty PLUS cupcakes?  My dream come true.

ALSO I officially started my new job on Thursday in the Art Department at the University of Alabama.  So far, I have met most of the art faculty and a lot of Student Services employees.  Yesterday I completed A LOT of training that will help me create class schedules and help advise students in the department.  I am so ready for the fall semester!  On Tuesday, all of the staff are going to have lunch together at Fresh Foods in the Ferguson Center- pretty excited about the bonding time!

Garland Hall, which houses the main office for the Art Department and a pretty awesome gallery.

I have also found a photographer!  Sweet Susannah Finley from the W is going to take our engagement and wedding pictures.  She is very talented, and I can't wait to see some of her ideas!  Hopefully we can get those done pretty soon so I can start working on Save the Dates!  Whoop whoop!

At the end of this month, I get to spend time with TWO of my bridesmaids in Pensacola!  So excited to spend time with Sarah and Cindy.  About to start on the road trip playlist now... :)